ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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