Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
