That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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