Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
