Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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