If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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