So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
