you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
