we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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