Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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