I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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