Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
