look no pants
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
