i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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