I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
