why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
