I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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