So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
