I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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