Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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