I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why do cheetos always look like penises
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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