You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
