you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
