Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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