No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
