I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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