That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
