i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
