You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
