i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
