He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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