Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
