I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
