We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
