Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize