Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
