Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
