really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
