new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
