My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
