So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
