YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
