Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
