I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
