I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
