the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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