Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
