About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
