My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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