im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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