omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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