Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
