and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
