New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We're too hungover to prance.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
