The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
