I just made out with a guy for $7.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm like, not good at living.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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