well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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