shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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