do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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