yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
