Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
