Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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