This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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