im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Girls should come with a carfax report
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize