Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
