I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
