Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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