It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
