Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
