I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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