I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
