True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
