can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
