so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just googled if crying burns calories
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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