If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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